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  • lczarnik 11:47 on August 8, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour,   

    Lexophile 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ken W
    Date: 8 August 2017 at 08:30
    Subject: Fwd: Lexophile

    Lexophile……."Lexophile" is a word used to describe those who have a love for words, such as

    "you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil
    is pointless.
    A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles
    is held every year. This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.

    When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

    A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

    When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

    The batteries were given out free of charge.

    A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

    A will is a dead giveaway.

    With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

    A boiled egg is hard to beat.

    When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

    Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old
    was resisting a rest.

    Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off ?
    He’s all right now.

    A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

    When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

    The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

    He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

    When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

    Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

    AND THE CREAM OF THE TWISTED CROP:

    Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

    ALWAYS LAUGH WHEN YOU CAN – – IT’S CHEAP MEDICINE!

     
  • lczarnik 16:36 on June 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour,   

    Just for a laugh 

    Forwarded message
    From: Terry
    Date: 20 June 2017 at 15:49
    Subject: Fwd: Just for a laugh

    Hi everyone! Perhaps not a politically correct camel, but some good laughs in these!

    Hope you are all well. Best wishes.

    Terry

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  • lczarnik 10:04 on April 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Humour,   

    Remember this stuff? 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ken W
    Date: 27 April 2017 at 20:41
    Subject: Fwd: Fw: Remember this stuff?

     
  • lczarnik 12:41 on April 17, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Humour,   

    THE MANY ROADS OF LIFE AND A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM.. 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ken W
    Date: 26 March 2017 at 01:05
    Subject: Fwd: Fw: THE MANY ROADS OF LIFE AND A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM..

    THE MANY ROADS OF LIFE AND A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM..

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
    1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats..
    2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always Catch the second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food..
    6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
    4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus.
    4) You look like Santa Claus.

    SUCCESS:
    At age 4 success is . . . . Not peeing in your pants.
    At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
    At age 17 success is . . Having a driver’s license.
    At age 35 success is . . . . Having money.
    At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
    At age 70 success is . .. . Having a driver’s license.
    At age 75 success is . … . Having friends.
    At age 80 success is . . .. Not peeing in your pants.

    Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

    Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
    BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

    Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

     
  • lczarnik 07:10 on April 16, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour,   

    Gotta keep newspapers going if only for the unintended humor 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ken W
    Date: 16 April 2017 at 05:52
    Subject: Fwd: Gotta keep newspapers going if only for the unintended humor

     
  • lczarnik 06:55 on April 1, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Humour,   

    Dear God 

    Forwarded message
    From: adam a
    Date: 8 September 2009 at 22:30
    Subject: [Fwd: FW: Dear God]

    If no attachment or attachment does not open, use this link for PPS

    https://1drv.ms/p/s!AqEOLiTwYPTMgcwu7mtO-09P_Pu0FQ

    Dear God Dea.pps

     
  • lczarnik 14:59 on March 21, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour, Krystyna   

    Xmas pressie 

    Forwarded message
    From: Krystyna
    Date: 14 January 2009 at 18:42
    Subject: Xmas pressie

    Enjoy!

    If no attachment, uses this link –

    https://1drv.ms/i/s!AqEOLiTwYPTMgcpZAzHTTpRO8VWMxQ

     
  • lczarnik 15:19 on March 4, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour,   

    the BBQ 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ralph & Barbara
    Date: 2 May 2008 at 09:19
    Subject: Fwd: Fw: Fw: the BBQ

    Turn your speakers on
    This is my idea of retirement.

    Link to PPS
    https://1drv.ms/p/s!AqEOLiTwYPTMgckAMjy213HBku36fA

    BBQInvitation(3).pps

     
  • lczarnik 09:09 on March 3, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour,   

    Seasons in the Sun 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ian & Trish
    Date: 22 January 2008 at 15:49
    Subject: FW: [Fwd: Emailing: Seasons in the Sun.pps]

    Hi
    Jackie is looking forward to her holiday but had time to send this email, and it’s only Tuesday
    Cheers
    Ian & Trish

    Dear all,
    Thought you might get a laugh from this…especially us more mature people who were feeling that THEY are the only ones! Sound is a bit loud and I think the lyrics could be inappropriate..that is it I could hear them!
    Take Care, not long til the sanity break,
    Jac

    https://1drv.ms/p/s!AqEOLiTwYPTMgchjvOCrmp-XjGiz6w

     
  • lczarnik 15:34 on March 2, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour, Remo & Eileen   

    How did DeNiro do this without laughing??? sooooooooo funny 

    Forwarded message
    From: remo and eileen
    Date: 20 January 2008 at 22:45
    Subject: FW: How did DeNiro do this without laughing??? sooooooooo funny

    https://youtu.be/nEPwY8IKWFQ

    http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/snl-suspected-terrorists-robert-deniro/81413417/

     
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