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  • lczarnik 19:23 on January 13, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour, ,   

    Fw: PONDERISMS 

    Forwarded message
    From: Kent W
    Date: Sun, 13 Jan 2019 at 04:02
    Subject: Fwd: FW: Fw: PONDERISMS

    Why do peanuts float in a regular coke and sink in a diet coke?

    Go ahead and try it.

    I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

    Can you cry under water?

    How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

    Why do you have to "put your two cents in"… but it’s only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where’s that extra penny going? (taxes)

    Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

    What disease did cured ham actually have?

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

    If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

    Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

    Why is “bra" singular and "panties" plural?

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

    Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

    If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    HOW DID THE MAN WHO MADE THE FIRST CLOCK, KNOW WHAT TIME IT WAS?

     
  • lczarnik 13:06 on November 6, 2018 Permalink
    Tags: Humour,   

    Grins 

    Forwarded message
    From: Kent W
    Date: Sun, 4 Nov 2018 at 00:10
    Subject: Fwd: Fw: Grins

    This is especially amusing, because I'm not sure anyone has been able to use my front door, yet...

    How to please a woman = Far more work than pleasing a man!

    The note in the fridge...

    Sharing the bathroom with a woman

    37 Extremely Funny Quotes.

    34-funny-quotes-you-will-absolutely-love-003

    lol

    LULZ

    37 Of The Funniest Quotes You Will See All Day

    Lol

    Too busty to run

    I need this on steak night!

    Sorry not sorry. More

    https://i.pinimg.com/564x/0c/e3/1c/0ce31c7eb96a8290296a45e86bd0ac8a.jpg

    That is why they make paper plates and plastic utensils, for those.

     
  • lczarnik 07:06 on September 24, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour,   

    So Sad but as they say, all Good Things come to an end…… 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ken W
    Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2018 at 02:05
    Subject: Fwd: Fw: So Sad but as they say, all Good Things come to an end……

    https://1drv.ms/u/s!AqEOLiTwYPTMg8BfX_CSuH0cRJT1hQ

    0

     
  • lczarnik 08:30 on September 13, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Humour,   

    Only in This Part of the World 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ralph & Barbara
    Date: Sat, 3 Oct 2009 at 00:25
    Subject: Fw: Fwd: FW: Only in This Part of the World

    https://1drv.ms/p/s!AqEOLiTwYPTMg71NRGeA-CijPaORQA

     
  • lczarnik 08:06 on September 6, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Humour   

    when the boss is sick…… 

    Forwarded message
    From: Colleen
    Date: Thu, 3 Apr 2008 at 07:34
    Subject: FW: when the boss is sick……

    This is from one of my direct reports … cute eh?

    C

    From: Alastair
    Sent: Wednesday, 2 April 2008 3:42 PM

    Quite amusing…..Colleen we all play Golf!!!!

    https://1drv.ms/v/s!AqEOLiTwYPTMg7oo67feHUNupjBFmA

     
  • lczarnik 04:41 on August 8, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour, ,   

    Think about it ! ! ! 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ken W
    Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2018 at 04:59
    Subject: Fwd: Think about it ! ! !
    This apparently was said by someone’s grandma:

    • *

    <

     
  • lczarnik 17:06 on July 26, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour,   

    Remembering the wisdom of Charles Schulz 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ken W
    Date: 25 July 2018 at 05:26

    Subject: Remembering the wisdom of Charles Schulz

    You simply have to take the time to look at these gems of wisdom from good old Charles Schultz………….wonderful

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Shangrala's Wisdom Of Peanuts

    Please Share This Wisdom If You Like…..

     
  • lczarnik 16:53 on April 30, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Humour,   

    Fruity Art 

    Forwarded message
    From: Luana
    Date: 3 October 2008 at 00:57
    Subject: Fwd: Fruity Art

    Make sure you scroll all the way down and read what is written.


    Today is International Disturbed People’s Day

    Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend… just as I’ve done.

    I don’t care if you lick windows,

    take the special bus

    or occasionally pee on yourself..

    You hang in there sunshine, you’re friggin’ special

     
  • lczarnik 05:28 on April 30, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Humour, ,   

    Heavens to Murgatroyd 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ken W
    Date: 30 April 2018 at 01:17
    Subject: Fwd: Fw: Heavens to Murgatroyd

    Murgatroyd, remember that word? Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the word Murgatroyd?

    Heavens to Murgatroyd!

    Lost Words from our childhood: Words gone as fast as the buggy whip! Sad really.

    The other day a not so elderly lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy and he looked at her quizzically and said "What the heck is a Jalopy?"

    He never heard of the word jalopy! She knew she was old, … but not that old.

    Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this and chuckle.

    About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology.

    These phrases included "Don’t touch that dial," "Carbon copy," "You sound like a broken record" and "Hung out to dry."

    Back in the olden days we had a lot of ‘moxie’. We’d put on our best ‘bib and tucker’ to ‘straighten up and fly right’.

    Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers! Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy moley!

    We were ‘in like Flynn’ and ‘living the life of Riley’.

    Even a regular guy couldn’t accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!

    Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when’s the last time anything was swell?

    Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A., of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes, penny loafers and pedal pushers. And don’t forget Saddle Stitched Pants.

    Oh, my aching back! Kilroy was here, .. but he isn’t anymore.

    We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap and before we can say, "Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!"

    Or, This is a ‘fine kettle of fish’!

    We discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.

    Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we’ve left behind

    We blink, and they’re gone. Where have all those great phrases gone?Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey, it’s your nickel! Don’t forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I’ll see you in the funny papers. Don’t take any wooden nickels. Wake up and smell the roses. It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills.

    This can be disturbing stuff! ("Carter’s Little Liver Pills" are gone too.) We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeable times. For a child, each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age. We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once existed and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memories. It’s one of the greatest advantages of aging. Leaves us to wonder where Superman will find a phone booth.

    See ya later, alligator! Okidoki!

    WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF THE FABULOUS 50’S. NO ONE WILL EVER HAVE THAT OPPORTUNITY AGAIN. WE WERE GIVEN ONE OF OUR MOST PRECIOUS GIFTS, …

    OUR MEMORIES!

     
  • lczarnik 15:27 on April 26, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Humour,   

    BLIND MAN. 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ken W
    Date: 26 April 2018 at 05:26
    Subject: Fwd: Fw: Fwd: BLIND MAN.

    Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, with a warning from the

    Mother Superior not to get even a drop of paint on their habits.

    After conferring about this, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room,

    strip off their habits, and paint naked.

    In the middle of the project, there’s a knock at the door.

    "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

    "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

    The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm

    can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door.

    "Nice boobs," says the man,

    "Where do you want the blinds?"

     
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