Children / Grandchildren This is great!

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From: Ralph & BA 
Date: 31 October 2012 01:07
Subject: Fw: Fwd: Fw: Fwd: Children / Grandchildren This is great!

This has been around but it is still so true.  BA  Subject: Fwd: Children / Grandchildren  When you feel like you are being punished by your kids, you probably are. Our grandchild is our reward for raising our children. Read below     GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN) To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students… here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was 'DON'T! ' 'Don't what ?' Adam replied. 'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.' God said. 'Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit! ' ' No Way! ' 'Yes way! ' 'Do NOT eat the fruit! ' said God. 'Why? ' 'Because I am your Father and I said so ! ' God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked ! 'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? ' God asked. 'Uh huh,' Adam replied. 'Then why did you? ' said the Father. 'I don't know,' said Eve. 'She started it! ' Adam said. 'Did not ! ' 'Did too! ' 'DID NOT! ' Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you ? THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young. 4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own. 6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in. ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day!AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: 'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN' AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!!!!

creation wonders

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From: Ralph & BA 
Date: 31 October 2012 00:51
Subject: Fw: creation wonders

Subject: creation wonders Socotra Island       This is an interesting island just off the horn of Africa and the coast of Yemen. The Somali Pirates ply these waters.    It is like being on a different planet. These pictures and information are excellent viewing and reading. SOCOTRA ISLAND : You have to see it to believe it. This island simply blows away any notion about what is considered "normal" for a landscape on Earth.   Imagine waking up one day on Socotra Island and taking a good look around you. After a yelp of disbelief, you'd be inclined to think you were transported to another planet – or traveled to another era of Earth's creation. The second would be closer to the truth for this island, which is part of a group of 4 islands. Has been geographically isolated from mainland Africa for the last 6 or 7 million years. Like the Galapagos Islands, this island is teeming with 700 extremely rare species of flora and fauna, a full 1/3 of which are endemic; that is, found nowhere else on Earth.    The climate is harsh, hot, and dry, and yet – the most amazing plant life thrives there. Situated in the Indian Ocean 250 km (155 miles) east of Somalia and 340 km (212 miles) southeast of Yemen, the wide sandy beaches rise to limestone plateaus full of caves (some 7 kilometers (4.4 miles in length) and mountains up to 1525 meters high (5007 feet).    The name “Socotra” is derived from a Sanscrit name meaning "The Island of Bliss." Is it the beaches? The isolation and quiet? Or the strange and crazy botanical allure? Alien-looking plants. H. P. Lovecraft's secret inspiration? Was the famous Chtulhu myths creator aware of these forbidding mountains with their hauntingly weird flora? (Think of plant mutations from his "The Color out of Space") We are almost tempted to call Socotra the other "Mountains of Madness"- the trees and plants of this island were preserved thru their long geological isolation with some varieties being 20 million years old. We begin with the dracena cinnibaris or Dragon's Blood Tree, the source of valuable resin for varnishes, dyes, and "cure-all" medicine; also (predictably) used in medieval ritual magic and alchemy. The branches spread out into the sky and from below appear to hover over the landscape like so many flying saucers. And from above they have a distinct mushroom look.     There is also the Desert Rose (Adenium Obesium) which looks like nothing so much as a blooming elephant leg.         Dorstenia Gigas ….. apparently does not require any soil and sinks roots straight into the bare rock. It also has a distinct personality and likes to smile for the camera.      Somewhat similar to the weird Dorstenia Gigas, is this "Bucha" vegetable, found as far north as Croatia . I hope it's not pregnant with anything malignant inside this sack. John Wyndham (with his "The Day of the Triffids") would've loved it.      Also found in Socotra's landscape is the ever-strange and extremely rare Cucumber Tree (Dendrosicyos Socotranum) – and, yes, it is related to what's sitting in a pickle jar in your fridge.   Getting around can be a challenge as there are almost no roads. Despite the fact that this island has around 40,000 inhabitants, the Yemeni government put in the first roads just 2 years ago – after negotiations with UNESCO, which has declared this island a World Natural Heritage Site. I would prefer a camel ride to what is bound to be a bumpy and slow 4×4 ride. It is a quiet and peaceful enclave in an otherwise troubled world. If you decide to visit there, you can forget about beachfront hotels and restaurants. This island is geared towards Eco-tourism and sustaining the local economy and way of life. This island is a birder's paradise as well with 140 different species of birds ….10 of which are not found anywhere else in the world. A unique Socotra Warbler, Sunbird, Starling, Bunting, Sparrow and Cisticola are among the ones found here. There are also Socotra Cormorants. Want to see some fairy-tale shipwrecks? There are diving tours available. Hopefully some IMAX crew would film it in all its glory one day.   To give you a glimpse of Socotra's and Yemen 's in general totally unique architecture, check out this place located on the mainland …. Al Hajarah, Yemen – walled city in the mist. Socotra is one of those "lost world" islands (separated from the world six million years ago) where intrepid travelers – particularly those seeking exotic nature and wildlife in a remote tropical setting – can go days on end without rubbing shoulders with that less-than-endangered species, tourists. Known for decades as the Galapagos-of-the-Indian-Ocean, it's the world's tenth richest island for endemic plant species. And the biggest island in the Middle East is 125 kilometers (78 miles) in length and 45 kilometers (28 miles) across. Meanwhile the landscape is one of contrasts. For example, it has isolated nature preserves with dazzling wildlife (including 900 species of plants and the famous Dragon's Blood Tree (Dracaena Cinnabara) and the some of rarest birds that exist nowhere else in the world), and picturesque unspoiled sandy beaches.

They Cut My Britches Off

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From: Ralph & BA 
Date: 30 October 2012 23:46
Subject: Fw: They Cut My Britches Off

Hope this brightens your day after the storm.  BA Hilarious–Mark Lowery at his best.  In case you do not know him  – Mark is a Baptist minister with a funny sense of humor. Comedian Mark Lowery tells about having a motorcycle wreck ( while not wearing a helmet ) and what happened to him afterwards. Click: They Cut My Britches Off

Back to School in England

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From: Ralph & BA 
Date: 28 October 2012 11:33
Subject: Fw: Back to School in England

TODAYS CHUCKLE IN THE EMPIRE WHERE THE SUN NEVER SETS.      ubject: Back to School in England     Sad, but probably true.   Attendance call on the first day back at school in Birmingham, England …. The teacher takes the roll call: "Mustafa El Ekh Zeri?" "Here." "Achmed El Kabul?" "Here." "Fatima Al Chadoury? " "Here." "Abdul Alu Ohlmi?" "Here." "Mohammed Ibn Achrha?" "Here." "Mi Cha El Mey Er" Silence in the classroom.. "Mi Cha El Mey Er" Continued silence as everyone looked around the room. She repeated, "Is there any child here called Mi Cha El Mey Er ?" A boy puts his hand up and says, "Sorry teacher. I think that's me. It's pronounced Michael Meyer." God Help Britain

Political Truisms

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From: Ralph & BA 
Date: 28 October 2012 03:57
Subject: Fwd: Political Truisms

A Compilation of PoliticalTruisms:    If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. Jay Leno   The problem with political jokes is they get elected. Henry Cate VII   We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.  Aesop   If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the  Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. Will Rogers   Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even  where there is no river. Nikita Khrushchev   When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm  beginning to believe it. Clarence Darrow   Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and  your opponents will do it for you. Author unknown    Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the  tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. John Quinton   Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. Oscar Ameringer    I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952   A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.  Tex Guinan   I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to  be left to the politicians. Charles de Gaulle   Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be  better to change the locks. Doug Larson  There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on senators. Will Rogers   When the power of love is stronger than the love of power, the world will know peace.

Flu Shots – It’s funny

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From: Aldona
Date: 25 October 2012 13:51
Subject: Fwd: FW: Flu Shots – It's funny

Albina

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Sent: Monday, October 22, 2012 9:59 AMSubject: Fw: Flu Shots – This is important

  

How To Avoid The Eat right!   Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them,keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. Get lots of fresh air. Open doors & windows whenever possible. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can. Get plenty of rest. OR Take the doctor's approach. Think about it… When you go for a shot, what do they do first? They clean your arm with alcohol…   Because alcohol KILLS GERMS. So…… I walk to the liquor store. (exercise) I put lime in my Corona …(fruit) Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies) Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air) Tell jokes, laugh….(eliminate stress) Then pass out. (rest) The way I see it…   If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you! My grandmother always said, 'A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!' Live Well – Laugh Often – Love Much

Clorox vs Peroxide MUST READ… store some today!

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From: Ralph & BA 
Date: 24 October 2012 23:03
Subject: FW: Clorox vs Peroxide MUST READ… store some today!

good info –     CLOROX VERSUS PEROXIDE Clorox vs Peroxide VERY interesting and inexpensive. This was written by Becky Ransey of Indiana (a doctor's Wife), and I want to share it with you. She was over recently for coffee and smelled the bleach I was using to clean my toilet and counter tops. This is what she told me. 'I would like to tell you of the benefits of that Plain little ole bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store. What does bleach cost? My husband has been in the medical field for over 36 years, And most doctors don't tell you about peroxide. Have you Ever smelled bleach in a doctor's office? NO!!! Why? because it smells, and it is not healthy! Ask the nurses who work in the doctor's offices, and ask them if they use bleach at home. They are wiser and know better! Did you also know bleach was invented in the late 40's? It's chlorine, folks! And it was used to kill our Troops. Peroxide was invented during WWI in the 20's. It was used to save and help cleanse the needs of our troops and hospitals. Please think about this: 1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle) and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when I bathe.) No more canker sores, and your teeth will be whiter without expensive pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash. 2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of peroxide to keep them free of germs. 3. Clean your counters and table tops with peroxide to kill germs and leave a fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you wipe, or spray it on the counters. 4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to kill salmonella and other bacteria. 5. I had fungus on my feet for years until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let dry. 6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for 5-10 minutes several times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal with any medicine but was healed by soaking in peroxide. 7. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and Water and keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without Harming your septic system like bleach or most other Disinfectants will. 8. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture whenever you have a cold, plugged sinus. It will bubble and help to kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes, and then blow your nose into a tissue. 9. If you have a terrible toothache and cannot get to a dentist right away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for 10 minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly. 10. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the 50/50 solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You will not have the peroxide-burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages but more natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, reddish, or dirty blonde. It also lightens gradually, so it's not a drastic change. 11. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help get rid of boils, fungus, or other skin infections. 12. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of whites in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing, pour it directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit for a minute, then rub it and rinse with cold water. Repeat if necessary. 13. I use peroxide to clean my mirrors. There is no smearing, which is why I love it so much for this. 14. Another place it's great is in the bathroom, if someone has been careless & has peed on the floor around the toilet & it's begun to smell of urine. Just put some peroxide in a spray bottle & spray. In the blink of any eye all the smell will be gone & the bacteria eliminated! I could go on and on. It is a little brown bottle no home should be without! With prices of most necessities rising, I'm glad there's a way to save tons of money in such a simple, healthy manner! ' This information really woke me up. I hope you gain something from it, too. Pass it on! Clorox vs peroxide: VERY interesting and inexpensive!

Time for a chuckle…

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From: Ralph & BA 
Date: 24 October 2012 06:34
Subject: Fwd: Time for a chuckle…

Time for a chuckle… You may have to wait a minute or two for these pictures to load. The following are all "moving pictures" and they are each absolutely adorable. Let me chew on your ear a minute… I got your toes…No, I got YOURS! This one just broke me up! Round and round we go…this sure beats chasing your own tail. By spring, this cat's gonna be a hop-scotch champ! These two truly make an ODD COUPLE! Just a minute Mr. DeMille…let me get ready for my close-up! You think outgrowing your clothes is a problem? Try out growing your pet door! Life is too short not to take time out to enjoy the fun. The best part of life is when family members become your friends and friends become family.

Two Pilots…WWII

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From: Ralph & BA 
Date: 24 October 2012 04:32
Subject: Fw: Two Pilots…WWII

—– Look carefully at the B-17 and note how shot up it is – one engine dead, tail, horizontal stabilizer and nose shot up. It was ready to fall out of the sky. (This is a painting done by an artist from the description of both pilots many years later.) Then realize that there is a German ME-109 fighter flying next to it. Now read the story below. I think you'll be surprised.

Charlie Brown was a B-17 Flying Fortress pilot with the 379th Bomber Group at Kimbolton, England … His B-17 was called 'Ye Old Pub' and was in a terrible state, having been hit by flak and fighters. The compass was damaged and they were flying deeper over enemy territory instead of heading home to Kimbolton. After flying the B-17 over an enemy airfield, a German pilot named Franz Stigler was ordered to take off and shoot down the B-17. When he got near the B-17, he could not believe his eyes. In his words, he 'had never seen a plane in such a bad state'. The tail and rear section was severely damaged, and the tail gunner wounded. The top gunner was all over the top of the fuselage. The nose was smashed and there were holes everywhere. Despite having ammunition, Franz flew to the side of the B-17 and looked at Charlie Brown, the pilot. Brown was scared and struggling to control his damaged and blood-stained plane. BF-109 pilot Franz Stigler B-17 pilot Charlie Brown Aware that they had no idea where they were going, Franz waved at Charlie to turn 180 degrees. Franz escorted and guided the stricken plane to, and slightly over, the North Sea towards England . He then saluted Charlie Brown and turned away, back to Europe . When Franz landed he told the CO that the plane had been shot down over the sea, and never told the truth to anybody. Charlie Brown and the remains of his crew told all at their briefing, but were ordered never to talk about it. More than 40 years later, Charlie Brown wanted to find the Luftwaffe pilot who saved the crew. After years of research, Franz was found. He had never talked about the incident, not even at post-war reunions. They met in the USA at a 379th Bomber Group reunion, together with 25 people who are alive now – all because Franz never fired his guns that day. (L-R) German Ace Franz Stigler, artist Ernie Boyett, and B-17 pilot Charlie Brown. When asked why he didn't shoot them down, Stigler later said, I didn't have the heart to finish those brave men. I flew beside them for a long time. They were trying desperately to get home and I was going to let them do that. I could not have shot at them. It would have been the same as shooting at a man in a parachute. Both men died in 2008. This is a true story!http://www.snopes.com/military/charliebrown.asp THIS WAS BACK IN THE DAYS WHEN THERE WAS HONOUR IN BEING A WARRIOR … THEY PROUDLY WORE UNIFORMS, AND THEY DIDN'T HIDE IN AMBUSH INSIDE A MOSQUE, OR BEHIND WOMEN AND CHILDREN, NOR DID THEY USE MENTALLY RETARDED WOMEN AS SUICIDE BOMBERS TO TARGET AND KILL INNOCENT CIVILIANS … HOW TIMES HAVE CHANGED …..

Only a Grandmother would know

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From: Ralph & BA 
Date: 24 October 2012 04:25
Subject: Fwd: Only a Grandmother would know

TOO Funny! Love YOU! xo ONLY A GRANDMOTHER WOULD KNOW… ~A Cup of Tea ~ One day my Gramma was out, and my Grampa was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys. Grampa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Gramma came home. My Grampa made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Gramma waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grampa, and she watched him drink it up. Then she said, (as only a gramma would know), ''Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"