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  • lczarnik 07:50 on May 30, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Proof-reading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say? 

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 28 May 2011 11:23
    Subject: Fw: Fwd: Proof-reading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

     
    Begin forwarded message:

    Proof-reading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
    Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
    This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.


    I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny…


    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    No crap, really? Ya think?
    —————————————————————————-

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers


    Now that's taking things a bit far!
    ———————————————————–

    Panda Mating Fails;VeterinarianTakes Over
    What a guy!
    —————————————————————


    Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
    ——————————————————


    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    See if that works any better than a fair trial!
    ———————————————————-


    War Dims Hope for Peace
    I can see where it might have that effect!
    —————————————————————-


    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
    Ya think?!
    ———————————————————————–


    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
    Who would have thought!
    —————————————————————-


    Enfield (London ) Couple Slain;PoliceSuspect Homicide
    They may be on to something!
    ————————————————————————


    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
    ———————————————————-


    Man Struck By Lightning:Faces Battery Charge
    He probably IS the battery charge!
    ———————————————-


    New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
    Weren't they fat enough?!
    ———————————————–


    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
    That's what he gets for eating those beans!
    —————- ———————————


    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    Do they taste like chicken?
    ******************************


    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
    ***************************************************

    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
    Boy, are they tall!
    *******************************************


    And the winner is….


    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    Did I read that right?
    ***************************************************

    Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day!

    Advertisements
     
  • lczarnik 09:38 on May 27, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Adult Truths 

    So true!

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 27 May 2011 12:08
    Subject: Fw: Fwd: Adult Truths

    :
     

    Subject:  Adult Truths

    How true, how true! 

     
     
     
     
     
    *** Adult Truths ***

    1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
     
    2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
     
    3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
     
    4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
     
    5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
     
    6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
     
    7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
     
    8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
     
    9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
     
    10. Bad decisions make good stories.
     
    11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
     
    12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection…again.
     
    13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
     
    14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
     
    15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
     
    16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
     
    17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
     
    18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
     
    19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
     
    20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
     
    21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
     
    22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
     
    23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
     
    24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
     
    Ladies…..Quit Laughing.
     
     
     
     
     
  • lczarnik 09:33 on May 27, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    GOTTA LOVE THE BLONDES 

    Really cute!

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 27 May 2011 12:01
    Subject: Fw: Fwd: GOTTA LOVE THE BLONDES

    Another oldie   BA
     
     
    A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

    "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
    "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?  I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

    "I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into  their seat belts, and off they went.

    Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blond. What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

    "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."

                                   

    Monkeysaiysno

     
     
  • lczarnik 22:04 on May 26, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Women & men 

    VERY good!

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 27 May 2011 00:24
    Subject: Fw: Fwd: Women & men

     
     
      

    Womenmen1

     

    Womenmen2

     

    Womenmen3

     

    Womenmen4

     

    Womenmen5

     

    Womenmen6

     

    Womenmen7

     

    Womenmen8

     

    Womenmen9

     

    Womenmen10

     

    Womenmen11

    now stop laughing and send this to someone who needs a laugh?

     
     
     
     

     

     
  • lczarnik 07:15 on May 25, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , James & Maureen   

    Neither Blonde Nor Female 

    James & Maureen,
     
    Now THAT'S Funny!
     
    You know you haven't have a personal contribution on http://czarnik-life.posterous.com/
     
    Now you do.  You can view via tags on the right, or by searching for one of the titles.
     
    Thanks,
    Larry & Colleen
     
    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: James & Maureen
    Date: 25 May 2011 16:25

    Subject: Neither Blonde Nor Female
    Date: Tue, 24 May 2011 09:28:05 +1030

     

     

    Neither Blonde Nor Female….(this one's for the girls!) 


    Att00028


    These contractors are installing steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a Sports Bar downtown. They are now in the process of cleaning up at the end of the day and anxious to go home. 


    How long do you think it'll be before they realize where they parked their truck?

     


     
     

     
  • lczarnik 04:34 on May 21, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Awesome – Resurrection 

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 21 May 2011 11:19
    Subject: Fw: Fwd: Awesome

     
    —– Original Message —–

    Subject: Fwd: Fw: Awesome

     

    The Resurrection is a 12’ x 40’ mural, oil on canvas. It is a depiction of the moment of Jesus emerging from the tomb. This mural was commissioned by the Museum of Biblical Art in Dallas, Texas.

    click below

     

     
  • lczarnik 08:07 on May 17, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    fifth grade assignment 

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Aldona
    Date: 16 May 2011 10:42
    Subject: Fwd: Fw: Fwd: fifth grade assignment




      

    Fifth Grade Assignment

    Wouldn’t this be great if it was taught in every school.

    A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look 
    At TV commercials and see if they could use them in 20 ways 
    To communicate ideas about God. 
     
     
     

    Here are some of the results: scroll down.

      

      

     


    God is like. 

    BAYER ASPIRIN 

    He works miracles. 

    God is like. 
    A
     FORD 
    He’s got a better idea.. 

    God is like. 
    COKE 
    He’s the  real thing. 

    (This is great) 

    God is like.. 
    HALLMARK CARDS 
    He cares enough to send His  very best. 

    God is like. 
    TIDE 
    He gets the stains out others leave behind. .. 

    God is like. 
    GENERAL ELECTRIC 

    He  brings good things to life. 

    God is like. 
    WAL-MART 

    He has everything. 

    God is like. 
    ALKA-SELTZER 
    Try Him, you’ll like Him 

    God is like. 
    SCOTCH TAPE 
    You can’t see Him, but you know He’s there. 

    God is like.. 
    DELTA 
    He’s ready when y ou are. 

    God is like. 
    ALLSTATE 
    You’re in good hands with Him. 
      

    God is like. 
    VO-5 Hair Spray
    ;He holds through all kinds of weather 

    God is like. 
    DIAL SOAP 

    Aren’t you  glad you have Him?  Don’t you wish everybody did?
    (that one is my favorite)


    God is like 

    The
         U.S.  POST OFFICE 
    Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from
    His appointed destination. 
     


    God is like. 

    Chevrolet. . . .the heart beat of  America   


    God is like 

    Maxwell House. …. . 
    Good to the very last drop 
     

    God is like. 
    . . . . 
    He is the quicker picker upper. . Can handle the tough jobs. ..
    And He won’t fall apart on you 

    Forward this to! 10 people so that they can know what God is like……..
    ( only! If you want to)! 
    BLESSINGS FROM 
    MY HOUSE TO YOUR  HOUSE

    Peace, Love and Prosperity to all !

     
  • lczarnik 08:01 on May 17, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Dr. Seuss for Older Kids 

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Aldona
    Date: 16 May 2011 10:11
    Subject: Fwd: FW: Dr. Seuss for Older Kids



    Subject: Dr. Seuss for Older Kids

     

    Thought you might enjoy.

     


     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Dr. Seuss For Older Kids ~







    Just in case you weren't feeling too old today
    ………

    The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1992.

    They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

    Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

    The CD was introduced two years before they were born.

    They have always had an answering machine.

    They have always had cable.

    Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

    Popcorn has always been microwaved..

    They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

    They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

    They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel ' or 'de plane Boss, de plane'.

    McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

    They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

    Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.

    Notice the larger type?

    That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

    P.S. Save the earth.
    It's the only planet with chocolate.

     


    ______________________________________________________________________


     

     

     

    Drseussf0drseussf1drseussf2drseussf

     
  • lczarnik 04:42 on May 17, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    PROUD TO BE CATHOLIC 

    An interesting perspective and in line with our own thougths about the media’s role.
    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 17 May 2011 03:04
    Subject: Fw: Fwd: Fw: Fwd: PROUD TO BE CATHOLIC

     Just good reinforcement.  BA

    ———- Forwarded message ———-

    Date: Tuesday, May 18, 2010, 3:15 PM

    —– Forwarded Message —–
    From: hurleyl
    Sent: Friday, April 16, 2010 10:58:53 AM
    Subject: PROUD TO BE CATHOLIC



    Excerpts of an article written by Sam Miller, prominent Cleveland Jewish businessman – NOT a Catholic!

     

    Why would newspapers carry on a vendetta on one of the most important institutions that we have today in the United States, namely the Catholic Church?

    Do you know – the Catholic Church educates 2.6 million elementary and high school students everyday at the cost to that Church of 10 billion dollars, and a savings on the other hand to the American taxpayer of 18 billion dollars. The graduates go on to university studies at the rate of 92%.

    The Church has 230 colleges and universities in the U.S. with an enrollment of 700,000 students.

    The Catholic Church has a non-profit hospital system of 637 hospitals, which account for hospital treatment of 1 out of every 5 people – not just Catholics – in the United States today

    But the press is vindictive and trying to totally denigrate in every way the Catholic Church in this country. They have blamed the disease of pedophilia on the Catholic Church, which is as irresponsible as blaming adultery on the institution of marriage.

    Let me give you some figures that Catholics should know and remember. For example, 12% of the 300 Protestant clergy surveyed admitted to sexual intercourse with a parishioner; 38% acknowledged other inappropriate sexual contact in a study by the United Methodist Church , 41.8% of clergy women reported unwanted sexual behavior; 17% of laywomen have been sexually harassed.

    Meanwhile, 1.7% of the Catholic clergy has been found guilty of pedophilia. 10% of the Protestant ministers have been found guilty of pedophilia. This is not just a Catholic problem.

    A study of American priests showed that most are happy in the priesthood and find it even better than they had expected, and that most, if given the choice, would choose to be priests again in face of all this obnoxious PR the church has been receiving.

    The Catholic Church is bleeding from self-inflicted wounds. The agony that Catholics have felt and suffered is not necessarily the fault of the Church. You have been hurt by a small number of wayward priests that have probably been weeded out by now.

    Walk with your shoulders high and your head higher. Be a proud member of the most important non-governmental entity in the United States today. Then remember what Jeremiah said: ‘Stand by the roads, and look and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is and walk in it, and find rest for your souls’. Be proud to speak up for your faith with pride and reverence and learn what your Church does for all other religions.

    Be proud that you’re a Catholic.

     

     

     
  • lczarnik 04:26 on May 17, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    A GROANER 

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 16 May 2011 23:43
    Subject: Fw: Fw: Fw: A GROANER

     
    Good for a laugh in these high gas days!

     

     

     Subject: Fw: A GROANER

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     


     

     Price of gas in France

    A thief in  Paris  planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.


    Unknownname

    After careful planning he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.

    However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

    When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'

    4unknownname

    I had no Monet

    0unknownname

    to buy Degas

    1unknownname

    to make the Van Gogh!'

     

     


    3unknownname

    See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.

    2unknownname

    I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing  Toulouse!  .


     


     


     


     


     


     

     

     
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