Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians

Forwarded message
From: Ralph & BA
Date: 1 August 2015 at 02:52
Subject: Fw: Fwd: Fw: Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians

>> Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians, figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is… surprising or unexpected.
>> 1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
>> 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.
>> 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
>> 4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
>> 5. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
>> 6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
>> 7. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
>> 8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
>> 9. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted paychecks.
>> 10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put "DOCTOR."
>> 11. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
>> 12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street… with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
>> 13. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
>> 14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
>> 15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
>> 16. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
>> 17. There’s a fine line between cuddling and… holding someone down so they can’t get away.
>> 18. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
>> 19. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
>> 20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
>> 21. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
>> 22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
>> 23. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
>> Finally:
>> 24. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but now it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.