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  • lczarnik 11:40 on September 27, 2013 Permalink | Reply
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    Concentrate on this Sentence 

    Like these for not only the thoughts, but the flowers and their colour.

    Forwarded message

    From: Colleen
    Date: 9 December 2010 11:37
    Subject: FW: Please send back!!!!!!

    Concentrate on this Sentence

    ‘To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.’ When God takes something from your grasp, He’s not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence… ‘The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.’ Something good will happen to you today; something that you have been waiting to hear.

    This is not a joke; someone will call you by phone or will speak to you about something that you were waiting to hear. Do not break!

    Send it to a minimum of 3 people… Not before you read below

    There comes a point in your life when you realize:

    Who matters,
    Who never did,
    Who won’t anymore…
    And who always will.
    So, don’t worry about people from your past,
    there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.
    Give these flowers to everyone you don’t want to lose in 2011
    Including me, if that’s what is in your heart.
    Try to collect 8 ; it’s not easy!

  • lczarnik 16:15 on September 26, 2013 Permalink | Reply
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    Christmas is coming guys – gift hints for your wives … 


    Forwarded message

    From: Colleen 
    Date: 4 December 2010 21:21
    Subject: Fwd: Christmas is coming guys – gift hints for your wives …

    Now this IS funny

    From: Sandy T
    Date: 4 December 2010 7:48:54 AEDT
    Subject: Christmas is coming guys – gift hints for your wives …

    It all began with an iPhone…
    March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone.
    He just loved it. Who wouldn’t?


    I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when
    she  bought me an iPad.


    My daughter’s birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.



     September came by so for her birthday i got my wife an iRon. 



    It was around then that the fight started……


    What the wife failed to recognise is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.  Although this inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.


    Note – it has completely destroyed the iRoot functionality.

  • lczarnik 11:45 on September 26, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    JOKES – All clean :-) 

    Forwarded message
    From: Colleen
    Date: 3 November 2010 20:00

    Thought these would be well received – pls post on our humour site

    JOKES – All clean 🙂This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletin and Service bloopers:

    When I was a Rick’s college, they announced as the opening hymn: "Hark, the Herald Angels Sin" Lesli Jenks

    Ward Adult Valentine’s Activity: bring your favorite game and a spouse of a friend for a great time! Feb ’98

    Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

    Don’t let worry kill you–let the church help.

    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

    For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

    Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

    Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mother’s Club. All ladies wishing to become "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

    This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

    The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

    Thursday night–Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

    8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."

    The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

    The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s "Hamlet": in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

    The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

  • lczarnik 11:32 on September 26, 2013 Permalink | Reply
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    Oh to live to be this old! 

    Forwarded message
    From: Colleen
    Date: 4 July 2010 19:16

    Subject: Oh to live to be this old!

    Hi Larry,

    Can you please post


    Let’s hope this happens to all of us!
    98 and no enemies – human interest story

    All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!

    Toward the end of Sunday service,
    the Minister asked,
    ‘ How many of you have forgiven your enemies? ‘
    80% held up their hands.

    The Minister then repeated his question.
    All responded this time,
    except one small elderly lady.

    ‘Mrs. Neely,
    Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?’

    ‘I don’t have any,’
    she replied, smiling sweetly.

    ‘Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual.

    How old are you? ‘

    ‘Ninety-eight,’ she replied.
    The congregation stood up
    and clapped their hands.

    ‘Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years
    & not have an enemy in the world? ‘

    The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, ‘ I outlived the bitches. ‘

  • lczarnik 11:30 on September 26, 2013 Permalink | Reply
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    World Facts 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 31 August 2013 11:21
    Subject: Fw: Fwd: World Facts


    Depending upon your definition, there are approximately 196 countries in the world as of this writing.

    So while you may consider yourself to be a knowledgeable global citizen,
    and we’re sure you are,
    given the dynamic and complex nature of our planet,
    there are certain to be at least a couple facts on this list that you will find surprising.
    Here are 25 things that you wouldn’t believe about these countries.

    25: Covers the Most Time Zones France

    If you count everything, including overseas territories, then France claims the title by covering 12 time zones.
    The United States would be the runner-up with 11 and then Russia with 9.


    24: Most Likely to Disappear Beneath the Waves Maldives

    With all the talks of global warming and rising sea levels, it is the residents of the Maldives that have the greatest reason to fear.
    With an average height of around 1.8 meters above sea level their nation is the lowest on Earth.


    23: Most Overweight Population Nauru

    With over 95% of its population being overweight, the small island nation of Nauru is by far the fattest country on Earth.
    Its obesity epidemic is primarily attributed to the importation of western fast food
    that coincided with an increased standard of living in the 20th century
    due to the global popularity of its phosphate exports.


    22: Roads Made of Coral Guam

    Because Guam doesn’t have any natural sand, but rather coral,
    the island nation makes its asphalt using a mix of ground coral and oil rather than importing sand from abroad.


    21: Most Sheep for Every Person Falkland Islands ( UK )

    With only about 3,000 people the Falkland Islands are home to approximately half-a million-sheep.
    With about 350 sheep per person, not surprisingly, wool is a major export.


    20: Oldest Sovereign State Egypt

    This largely depends upon your definition of a sovereign state
    but if you are going by first acquisition of sovereignty then Egypt would be the first country in the world
    to achieve sovereignty based upon the formation of the first dynasty in 3100 BC.


    19: Most Lakes in the World Canada

    With over three million lakes, 9% of Canadian territory is actually fresh water
    and over 60% of all the lakes in the world are found within its borders.


    18: Least Likely Place to Meet Your Neighbor Mongolia

    At 4 people per square mile Mongolia is the least densely populated country on Earth.
    Compare this to the Mong Kok district of Hong Kong that has the highest population density in the world
    with 340,000 people per square mile.


    17: Largest Number of Tanks Russia

    It is a strange title to hold, but Russia has by far the most tanks of any army in the world (21,000).
    Unfortunately for the motherland, most of these outdated machines are tributes to its past,
    and although outnumbered (16,000), the United States has a much more advanced tank inventory.


    16: The Land of No Rivers Saudi Arabia

    Sounds a bit strange doesn’t it?
    For a country as big as Saudi Arabia there has to be at least some sort of flowing water.
    Well, there isn’t.
    Most of their fresh water comes from desalinization plants or underground reservoirs.


    15: Youngest Population of Any Country Niger

    Generally the world’s youngest country is determined by calculating the portion of the population that is younger than 15.
    Presently it is Niger that holds this distinction with roughly half of its population having barely reached puberty (49%).


    14: Most Diverse Country in the World India

    In almost every category, culturally, economically, climatically, racially, linguistically, ethnically, and religiously
    India is either the most diverse countries in the world, or the runner-up.


    13: Fastest Disappearing Nation Ukraine

    With a natural decrease in population of 0.8% annually,
    between now and 2050 Ukraine is expected to lose around 30% of its people.


    12: Most of its Citizens Live Abroad Malta

    After some rough economic times coupled with an increased birth rate,
    Malta experienced significant immigration.
    It was so significant that there are now more Maltese living abroad than within the country itself.


    11: Smaller than Central Park in New York City Monaco

    Although Vatican City is smaller at 0.17 sq miles than Monaco 0.8 sq miles,
    unlike Monaco it doesn’t have any permanent residents,
    which leaves Monaco as the smallest permanently inhabited nation in the world, smaller than Central Park .


    10: Almost Entirely Covered in Jungle Suriname

    With 91% of its land covered in jungle, Suriname ‘s half-a-million residents live primarily along the coast near the capital.
    Only 5% of the population – mainly indigenous people – live inland.


    9: Almost Entirely Treeless Haiti

    On the opposite end of the spectrum is Haiti , a country that has been so badly deforested that you can tell where
    it borders the Dominican Republic by looking at a satellite image ( Haiti is on the left in the photo above).


    8: Largest Country with No Farms Singapore

    Although there are a number of small nations in the world that show no hint of having an agriculture based economy,
    (take Vatican City for example), Singapore is the largest of these urban city-states.


    7: Most Languages Spoken Papua New Guinea

    Although English is its official language, only 1.5% of the population actually speak it.
    As the most linguistically diverse country in the world,
    over 820 languages are spoken in Papua New Guinea , or 12% of the world’s total languages.


    6: Most Educated People Canada

    With 50% of its population having been educated at the post secondary level,
    Canada easily has the most educated populace in the world.
    It is followed by Israel at 45% and Japan at 44%.


    5: The Country Desert Libya

    With 99% of the country covered in desert, Libya is one of the most arid places in the world
    and in some regions decades may go by without a single drop of rain.


    4: Least Peaceful Nation in the World Somalia

    Although for the last three years, IRAQ has been ranked as the least peaceful country in the world,
    according to the ‘Global Peace Index’, Somalia overtook it this year for the top spot.


    3: Produces Most of the World’s Oxygen Russia

    Siberia is home to approximately 25% of the world’s forests
    that span an area larger than the continental United States ,
    making Russia the largest converter of CO2 into breathable compounds.


    2: World’s Largest Opium Producer Afghanistan

    Producing a whopping 95% of the world’s opium,
    not even 10 years of occupation by American forces have slowed down the industry.


    1: Most People Behind Bars United States

    – (Really makes you proud, doesn’t?)

    When it comes to incarcerating its population, the United States is the world’s uncontested leader.
    With 2.2 million people behind bars, it has 5% of the World’s population, but 25% of the world’s incarcerated population.
    China comes in second place at 1.5 million and Russia comes third at 870,000.

  • lczarnik 09:22 on September 25, 2013 Permalink | Reply
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    Woman goes to doctor 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 25 September 2013 05:44
    Subject: Fw: Fwd: Woman goes to doctor

    A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband’s temper.

    The Doctor asks: "What’s the problem?â€�
    The woman says: "Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
    The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing
    it in your mouth. Just swish and swish, but don’t swallow it until he either leaves the room or goes to bed and is asleep."
    Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
    The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water.
    I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
    The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."

  • lczarnik 06:41 on September 24, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   


    Forwarded message
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 24 September 2013 00:58
    Subject: Fw: PERÚ…

    Peru and it’s ancient civilations have always been something
    I wanted to visit. Well, this is a treat for me. Hope you
    enjoy it too. BA


  • lczarnik 10:57 on September 23, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    What a museum did to attract visitors 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 22 September 2013 04:54
    Subject: Fw: What a museum did to attract visitors

    What a museum did to attract visitors

    The Rijksmuseum in Holland had an idea:Let’s bring the art to the people and then, hopefully,then will come to see more – at the museum. They took one painting of Rembrandt’s from 1642,“Guards of the Night” and brought to life the characters in it,placed them in a busy mall and the rest you can see for yourself!


  • lczarnik 10:53 on September 23, 2013 Permalink | Reply
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    Red Sea Crossing PPS 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 22 September 2013 04:37
    Subject: Fw: RedSeaCrossing.PPS

    Please note: forwarded message attached

    move slowly, press enter when a slide section stops


    For an online review, see –


    2017AG07 198:20

  • lczarnik 10:52 on September 23, 2013 Permalink | Reply
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    Getting older! Some of us age gracefully and others just age! 

    Forwarded message
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 22 September 2013 02:29
    Subject: Fw: Fwd: Getting older! Some of us age gracefully and others just age!

    Aging is getting to me – but I still find these funny. BA

    Two elderly ladies were talking.
    “At our age, I don’t know what would be worse;

    Parkinson”s or Alzheimer”s?" one said.
    Her wise friend answered, “Oh I’d rather have
    Parkinson’s, definitely Parkinson’s. Better to
    spill half my wine than to forget where I keep

    the bottle."
    We’re not the only ones getting older!

    Boy George

    Kirstie Alley

    Bridgette Bardot This breaks my heart!!

    Nick Nolte

    Cybill Shepherd

    Sylvester Stallone

    Kathleen Turner

    Billy Joel

    Bob Dylan

    Ozzy Osbourne

    Mick Jagger

    Gary Busey

    Burt Reynolds (Had a tiny facelift, Burt?)

    Wayne Newton (Nice makeup.)

    Mickey Rourke

    Clint Eastwood

    Keith Richards

    Joan Rivers (Get a date with Burt.)

    Eddie Van Halen

    Linda Ronstadt

    Jack Nicholson (Put a shirt on, Jack!)

    Arnold Schwarzenegger (Lordy!)
    Don’t know about you, but I feel better already.

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