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  • lczarnik 22:30 on August 4, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Southern cops have a way with words! 

    Untitled

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 5 August 2011 05:53
    Subject: Fwd: Southern cops have a way with words!

     
     
      
    These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos: 

    1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through." 

    2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while." 

    3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."   (My Favorite) 

    4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." 

    5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT) 

    6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" 

    7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?" 

    8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." 

    9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" 

    10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop." 

    11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." 

    12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center ) 

    13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?" 

    14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can." 

    15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail." 

    AND THE WINNER IS…. 

    16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

     

     
  • lczarnik 03:33 on August 4, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Old Explained 

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 4 August 2011 10:49
    Subject: Fw: Old Explained

                   OLD Explained
     
     
     

    Image001

     
  • lczarnik 03:27 on August 4, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Enjoy attachment – Philosophy For Old Age 

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Aldona
    Date: 3 August 2011 11:28
    Subject: Enjoy attachment

    Since Posterous is no longer, use this link –

    https://1drv.ms/p/s!AqEOLiTwYPTMgcsOcgAb5faCSgz5sg

    to view PPS
    Larry
    2017MR23 10:40

     
  • lczarnik 03:24 on August 4, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Feng Shui 

    Not one for passing things on, but happy to post and for those interested to adopt the ideas.
     
    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Aldona
    Date: 3 August 2011 11:09
    Subject: Fwd: FW: Feng Shui

     

     

    I thought I would pass it on to you. 

     

     

     


    Subject: Feng Shui

     


     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

      Feng  Shui
    ·

    This  is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck  forwards I have received.. Hope it works for you  — and me!


    Lotus  Touts: You have 6 minutes

    There's  some mighty fine advice in these words, even if  you're not superstitious. This Lotus Touts has  been sent to you for good luck from the Anthony  Robbins organization. It has been sent around  the world ten times so far.  

    Do  not keep this message.

    The  Lotus Touts must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES.  Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant  surprise. This is true, even if you are not  superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith  impaired.

    ONE.  Give  people more than they expect and do it  cheerfully.  

    TWO.  Marry  a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get  older, their conversational skills will be as  important as any other.

    THREE.  Don't  believe all you hear, spend all you have or  sleep all you want.

    FOUR.  When  you say, 'I love you,' mean  it.  

    FIVE.  When  you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the  eye.

    SIX.  Be  engaged at least six months before you get  married.

    SEVEN.  Believe  in love at first  sight.  

    EIGHT.  Never  laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have  dreams don't have much.  

    NINE…  Love  deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but  it's the only way to live life completely.  

    TEN..  In  disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.  

    ELEVEN.  Don't  judge people by their  relatives.  

    TWELVE.  Talk  slowly but think  quickly.  

    THIRTEEN. When  someone asks you a question you don't want to  answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to  know?'

    FOURTEEN.  Remember  that great love and great achievements involve  great risk.

    FIFTEEN.  Say  'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.  

    SIXTEEN.  When  you lose, don't lose the  lesson.  

    SEVENTEEN.  Remember  the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for  others; and Responsibility for all your actions.  

    EIGHTEEN.  Don't  let a little dispute injure a great friendship.  

    NINETEEN.  When  you realize you've made a mistake, take  immediate steps to correct  it.  

    TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone.  The caller will hear it in your voice  

    TWENTY-  ONE. Spend  some time alone.  

    Now,  here's the FUN part!

    Send this to at  least 5 people and your life will improve.  

    1-4  people: Your life will improve slightly.  

    5-9  people: Your life will improve to your liking.  

    9-14  people: You will have at least 5 surprises in  the next 3 weeks

    15  and above: Your life will improve drastically  and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to  take shape.

    A  true friend is someone who reaches for your hand  and touches your  heart.Do  not keep this  message.  ·
     
     


     
     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     
  • lczarnik 03:19 on August 4, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Check out He Will Be 

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 3 August 2011 10:45
    Subject: Fwd: Check out He Will Be

     

     
  • lczarnik 03:14 on August 4, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Short but Sweet 

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 3 August 2011 02:56
    Subject: Fwd: Short but Sweet

     
    Subject: FW: FW: Short but Sweet
     
     
    : Short but Sweet
     DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS
    Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
    Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
    Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
    ___________________________________________

    A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
    The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
    ______________________________________

    'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
    Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
    'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and
    then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
    __________________________________________

    A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room,
    took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
    'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
    __________________________________________

    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
    The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
    The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
    __________________________________________

    Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
    1. The DNA all matches. 
    2. There are no dental records.
    __________________________________________

    A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from 
    San Francisco  to  New York City?'
    The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
    'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
    _________________________________________

    Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
    'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
    'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
    'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
    'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
     _________________________________________

    Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
    Joe: 'Really?'
    Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
    __________________________________________

    A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
    'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
    'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
    'Oops!'
    __________________________________________

    While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since
    I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
    'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
    'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
    He's still in intensive care.
    _________________________________________

    The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by
    even more thunder rumbling in the distance…
    The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.' 

     
     
     
     
  • lczarnik 01:40 on August 3, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , ,   

    Dear Ms Gillard 

    Andrew,
     
    Thanks.  Been posted on http://czarnik-life.posterous.com/ tagged as both Humours and Thought Provoking.
    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Andrew
    Date: 3 August 2011 11:18
    Subject: Dear Ms Gillard

    Dear Ms. Gillard,

     

    Att00001

          Please find below our suggestion for fixing Australia 's economy.

     

     

          Instead of giving billions of dollars to banks that will squander the

    money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan..

          You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

     

     

          There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

     

     

          Pay them $1 million each severance for early retirement with the

    following stipulations:

     

     

          1) They MUST retire.

          Ten million job openings – unemployment fixed

     

     

          2) They MUST buy a new Australian car.

          Ten million cars ordered – Car Industry fixed

     

     

          3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage –

          Housing Crisis fixed

     

     

          4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university –

          Crime rate fixed

     

     

          5) They MUST buy $100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week ……

          and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

     

     

          6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme

    that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to

    reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.

     

     

          It can't get any easier than that!

     

     

          P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back

    their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

     

     

          If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. If

    not, please disregard.

     

     

          Grumpies of the World Unite

     

     

          Also .

     

     

     

          Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

     

     

          This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and

    walks.

          They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical

    treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it

    out.

          They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped

    instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

          Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed

    and returned to them.

          A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and

    snacks to their cell.

          They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

          They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual

    counselling, pool and education.

          Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on

    request.

          Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with

    gardens.

          Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

          There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards

    would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

     

          The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.

    Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.  Live in a tiny room and pay

     $600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

          Think about this (more points of contention):

          ————————————————————————

          THE AUSTRALIAN CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a

    Constitution for Iraq … Why don't we just give them ours?

          It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for

    centuries and we're not using it anymore.

          ————————————————————————

          THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

          The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a

    courthouse or Parliament, is this –

          You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit

    Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and

    politicians…… It creates a hostile work environment.

          ————————————————————————

          Also;

          Think about this ….. If you don't want to forward this for fear of

    offending someone — YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy

    old folk of Australia to speak up!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     
  • lczarnik 07:02 on August 2, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Primal fear! This is very cleverly done. 

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Raymond
    Date: 17 July 2011 01:20
    Subject: Primal fear! This is very cleverly done.
    To:

     

     

                     very clever, done like the old  Mavis Bramston Show !


     

     

     

     
  • lczarnik 06:41 on August 2, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Open 1st thing in the morning 

    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Aldona
    Date: 14 July 2011 13:03
    Subject: Fwd: Open 1st thing in the morning


    From: Rakp & BA
    Sent: 7/9/2011 11:20:53 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time
    Subj: Fwd: Open 1st thing in the morning

    .Subject: Open 1st thing in the morning
     
    Tough times don't last, tough people do.
     
     
    "If you're going through hell, keep going!"
     
    Good morning! We can pretend we are sharing a good cup of coffee (or 
    tea, or Diet Coke or Dr Pepper while enjoying…
     
    Good Morning Blessings
     
    If it stops with you, then the blessing will disappear. The blessing 
    will only keep working if it is continuously passed around . If you are 
    a recipient of a blessing, keep the blessing working by being the 
    source of blessing to other people.
    Good Morning !!!!
    This morning when I wakened
    And saw the sun above,
    I softly said, ' Good morning
    Bless everyone I love'
     
     
    Right away I thought of you
    And said a loving prayer ,
     
    I thought of all the happiness
    A day could hold in store,
    I wished it all for you because
    No one deserves it more .
    I felt so warm and good inside,
    My heart was all aglow .
     
     
     
    ^j^ ^j^ ^j^ ^j^
    ^j^ ^j^ ^j^ ^j^ ^j^
     
    Nine angels are sent to you. You must send them to nine people 
    including me. In nine minutes you will receive something you have long 
    awaited
     

     
  • lczarnik 06:20 on August 2, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Japan’s Tsunami from the interior of a car! 

    Now THIS is AMAZING.  You hope that either this was recovered from an empty vehicle or that the occupants made it out safely.
     
    Larry & Colleen
     
    ———- Forwarded message ———-
    From: Ralph & BA
    Date: 1 August 2011 07:13
    Subject: Fw: Japan's Tsunami from the interior of a car
     
    From: John Sent: Fri, 29 Jul 2011 12:43:52 -0000 (UTC)
    Subject: Fw: Tsunami from the interior of a car
    Astonishing video, you wonder what happened to the occupants…
     
    Last week a Japanese television
    station released this video showing the arrival of their last tsunami from the
    interior of a car, the images are incredible and show a scene of the preceding
    earthquake.
     
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